Mark Paul Gosselaar Is Still Trying To Ruin My Life

Damn gorgeous charlatans.

Saved By The Bell aired from 1989-1993, when I was in elementary school. High school would be awesome. I would have my own radio show. I would steal our rival’s mascot. I would sleep overnight in a shopping mall and work at a beach resort with my friends in the summer. Don’t get me wrong. I loved high school. But I can’t think of any equally remarkable experiences off the top of my head. I bought it though. Saved By The Bell, American Pie, Can’t Hardly Wait, and PCU all supercharged my expectations for highschool and college. Thank God, I never watched Entourage. It took me twenty odd years to let it go. I wouldn’t hold it against Mark Paul either, if he weren’t trying to do it again. Now he and the guy from Road Trip are high profile lawyers that goof around in court, play video games on clients’ time, and get paid handsomely to do so. Real life isn’t awesome, Gosselaar. Our lives will be more similar to Mr. Belding than to Zack Morris. Just let us go, Gosselaar. Let us share Tyler Durden’s Fight Club realization that we are not special. Of course, I’ll probably never command an underground army of men or destroy half an urban center, either. Aww, shucks.

What was your 90s TV/movie expectation that you couldn’t wait for?

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